On January 17th, Indian Standard Time (the evening of January 16th Pacific Time), I received the dreaded phone call from my brother. Just like 3.5 years ago, it began with "I have sad news." That time it was to tell me that mom had passed away, and this time it was to inform me that dad had passed away. Mom had a heart attack and passed away before reaching the hospital, while dad passed away peacefully in his sleep.

It's been a few days, and I have been flooded with emotions. This has been one reason why I haven't been able to write this, but at the same time, I felt that writing something like this would help clear my thoughts.

Sadness
The immediate emotion is sadness. I am deeply saddened that he is gone. I mourn the fact that he won't be here to witness more of his life and ours – more birthdays, career milestones, educational achievements, Diwalis, family gatherings. He won't be there with us to share all those milestones and events.

Emptiness
Despite being far away physically, I feel a profound emptiness. His well-being and happiness were always on my mind. I used to call him every Saturday morning. Until a few months ago, our conversations would be about everyday things like cricket, sports, politics, election results, etc. Recently, the frequency had decreased due to his declining health. However, Saturday mornings remained my time to silently convey my thoughts to him and cherish his memory. I feel empty now.

Relief
In recent visits – December 2023 and April this year – I could sense his frustration and helplessness due to his inability to care for himself. His attempts to communicate were often cut short, as if the signals from his brain arrived too late for his words to form. He struggled even to use a spoon consistently; helpers had to mash his food so he could swallow it because chewing became difficult. Despite all this, I feel a sense of relief for him. I'm grateful he no longer has to endure such struggles after living a life of independence and good health. He's found peace in heaven.

Reunited with Mom
Ever since Mom passed away, Dad lost his will to live. His only wish was to be reunited with her. Finally, his wish has been granted. I believe he's happier now in heaven with her than he was on earth, suffering without her.

Thankfulness
Although taking care of one's parents isn't "babysitting," and my brother and sister-in-law's dedication to Dad after Mom's passing shouldn't be called "parentsitting," I am immensely thankful for their unwavering support. Despite the challenges and unpredictable nature of caregiver services, they ensured Dad lived as comfortably as possible, maintaining routines familiar to him. They sacrificed their freedom to prevent emergencies and provided steadfast support. I'm thankful that they were there for him over the past 3.5 years as his condition worsened. I cannot imagine how big a vacuum they would be feeling!

Pearls of Wisdom
Dad often shared pearls of wisdom on a wide range of topics – friendship, business, relationships, finances, health, nutrition, discipline, and more. I missed hearing those pearls over the past few months as he slowed down and stopped interacting much. I will surely continue those nuggets of wisdom in my life and hope to pass them on to the kids as a shared legacy.

I will miss you, Pappaji. I hope you are enjoying your time with Mummy. Please continue to bless us from above, and we will keep you informed about our lives.

Rest in peace. 🙏

Cover image credit: Bob Brewer https://unsplash.com/photos/a-group-of-people-standing-on-top-of-a-sandy-beach-caSt0XQCiG4